Could you spell that please?

This afternoon I had one of those moments where a student says something totally unrecognizable.

All the other students heard it and laughed while I just stood there dazed and confused.

Have you ever had one of those moments when someone says something (a phrase or a single word) and you can't make out what they're saying no matter how many times they repeat it for you?

I was eliciting vocabulary used to describe places. We looked at various photos and the students had to discuss what they thought life might be like in those places. In response to a photograph taken in Heidelberg Germany this particular student (a Malaysian of Chinese descent) said "wahKA".

I must have asked her to repeat it four times without coming even the slightest bit closer to what she was saying. By this time I had blocked out all the other students and had absolutely no concern for embarrassing that student. I was on a mission. I HAD TO KNOW WHAT THE **** SHE WAS SAYING!!!

So, I said to her "could you spell what you are saying?"

She replied, "W-O-R-L-D C-U-P"

Boy did I feel the fool. Of course, Germany= World Cup! I mean what was I thinking???? Of course. I ask you "what do you think life is like in Heidelberg Germany?" Of course you should respond "World Cup".

I mean it doesn't matter if the world cup isn't always played there. You're a teenager and all you think of when you hear the word Germany is World Cup!

And, why should you bother giving me a clue by saying "they play the world cup there"? Just leave me standing in the middle of the room where everyone else can understand your accent. Just leave me out there on my own to figure it out with no context whatsoever!!!!!
Speak in complete sentences, PLEASE!!!

I should have known maybe. I'm teaching people who pronounce the word "food" the way the word "foot" is pronounced. Everything is clipped, shortened, cut off. They even do this with their own names. Everyone seems to use nicknames.

I should have known. Or maybe I am just moving on in my heart. I'm due to move to a new country now and maybe I'm just eager to be in tune with their accent now. Yes, that must be it.

Do forgive me, Class. I'm trying my best to hang in there.

But really, next time...some context would help. Otherwise, Spell it, PLEASE!

On a lighter note :-) I thought you might get a kick out of this Berlitz commercial

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From our window we have a great scenery of the Nile.

your mission, should you choose to accept it,
is to explain the difference between "scenery" and "view"
to someone who thinks these words are synonymous


You must do this in the middle of a lesson whose focus is
• vocabulary: describing cities and towns
• grammar: comparatives
You failed to do your pre-lesson language analysis
(CELTA 101, cmon!)
a simple question of meaning and use
but now
you are in the middle of an activity
you are trying to make your rounds correcting errors
while the students are busy peer checking
you are trying to finish proofreading each pair's sentences before all the pairs have given eachother feedback
time is running out
what do you say?

"Ah..., you mean 'view'. In this sentence you must use the word 'view'.

sorry-
time's up!

"ok, I will explain this to you later/tomorrow, I'm sorry"

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Yes, But we Don't Say it Like that in the US

Working for the British Council and being an American, I sometimes find myself defending my English. Most times I find humour in it but sometimes it gets...well..i get a bit sensitive. . .

I am not sure where the message below comes from, but i really got a kick out of it. I received it from one of my British colleagues the other day. Enjoy...


A Message from the British to the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories(excepting Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be Amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and ‘neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

6. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.

A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.

At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion Tables.

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) -- roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as Beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American Football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
Armour like a bunch of nancies).

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. Tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

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Is this YOUR class or OUR class?

When facing a class of 20 students, some tasks can be difficult. For example, you cannot correct each student's essay thoroughly during a lesson because you cannnot keep 19 students waiting with questions while attempting to review one student's paper. There are various ways of dealing with this dilemna. For example, the teacher can review the essays when students are working on a reading or listening assignment, or simply do all the proofreading after class. The latter is often not a teacher's favourite choice, especially if he/she is not paid for that time by his/her employer (...visions of my Dad's face having to correct papers after work when all he wanted to do was have a snack and get to the piano).

There is another problem that can occur when teaching a large class. Sometimes there is a well meaning student who thinks that his/her questions are appropriate to ask at any time of the lesson. This goes for questions that are off topic. This goes for questions that are personal, i.e. to clarify things misunderstood by them alone. When students do this, it is actually rather selfish. Depending upon the professionalism of the teacher, such students can end up usurping his/her classmates' time in a way that can reach various levels of ANNOYANCE.


Of course we cannot resort to the method used in the picture here.


So I pose the following question:

Have you got any good one-liners to use with students who have a tendency to use class time as some sort of private tuition time?

Looking forward to your comments!



p.s. such students will not hesitate to take up the teacher's break/lunch time as well so it is important to really nip this behaviour in the bud.

p.s.s. Farsi proverbs would be especially appreciated.

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